Finding Words That Fit Your Experience
Have you ever been given a diagnosis or label that felt… wrong? Perhaps medically accurate, but not quite capturing your actual lived experience? This is one of the most powerful aspects of therapeutic externalising—you get to name your struggles in ways that truly fit.
Why Naming Matters
When we name something, we gain a certain power over it. But the name has to be yours—drawn from your experience, your language, your understanding of what you’re going through.
Consider the difference:
- “Generalised Anxiety Disorder” vs. “The Worry Spiral”
- “Major Depressive Episode” vs. “The Heavy Fog”
- “Complex Trauma” vs. “The Ghosts That Visit”
One set of names comes from clinical manuals. The other comes from lived experience. Both can be true, but the second set often opens more doors to healing.
The Problem with Clinical Labels Alone
Clinical diagnoses serve important purposes—they help professionals communicate, guide treatment, and ensure people receive appropriate support (including NDIS funding where applicable). They’re valuable tools.
But when we only relate to our struggles through clinical language, several things can happen:
- We feel less equipped to address them (surely dealing with a “disorder” requires professional intervention only?)
- We lose connection to our own expertise about our lives
- The problem can feel more fixed and permanent
- We may feel less hope about our capacity to respond
Finding Your Own Names
In therapeutic writing, we encourage you to discover names that resonate deeply with your experience. These names might be:
Descriptive: “The Shakes,” “The Numbness,” “The Racing Thoughts”
Metaphorical: “The Dark Cloud,” “The Inner Critic,” “The Exhaustion Monster”
Personified: “Mr. Doubt,” “The Perfectionist,” “The Fear That Knocks at Night”
Action-based: “The Shutting Down,” “The Overthinking,” “The Hiding”
A Therapeutic Writing Exercise
Step 1: Identify Think about a challenge you’re currently facing. What clinical or common name might others use for it?
Step 2: Explore Your Experience Write freely about what this actually feels like for you. Don’t censor yourself. Use whatever images, sensations, or metaphors arise.
Step 3: Name It From your writing, what name emerges that truly fits your experience? Test a few possibilities. Say them aloud. Which one feels right?
Step 4: Dialogue Write a brief conversation with this named problem. What would you like to ask it? What might it say back?
Real Examples from Therapeutic Writing
One person couldn’t relate to “social anxiety” but deeply understood “The Spotlight Fear”—the feeling that everyone was watching and judging.
Another found “depression” too broad but connected with “The Grey Blanket”—something that covered everything and made colours fade.
A young person struggling with what professionals called “behavioural issues” named it “Mr. Mischief”—and suddenly found they had strategies for when Mr. Mischief tried to trick them into trouble.
Names Can Evolve
Here’s something important: your name for a problem can change over time. As your relationship with the problem shifts, as you learn more about it, as circumstances change—you might find different names fit better.
This flexibility is part of the healing process. It reflects that you’re not stuck, that things are moving, that you’re learning and growing.
Cultural and Personal Considerations
Different cultures have different ways of understanding and expressing distress. Some communities might relate more to spiritual concepts, family dynamics, or body-based experiences. Your naming should honour your cultural context and personal worldview.
In therapeutic writing, there’s no “wrong” way to name your experience—only ways that fit better or worse for you specifically.
Moving Forward
Once you’ve found a name that fits your struggle, you’ve taken a significant step. You’ve created enough separation to observe the problem, question it, and begin developing strategies to reduce its influence in your life.
In our next post, we’ll explore what happens after naming—how externalising creates relief and opens pathways to reclaiming your life from problems’ effects.